"Okay" said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months and it starts to rain" thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."
Six months passed and the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping and there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and you plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. Then my neighbor objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees, to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince the US Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they would'nt let me catch any owls, so no owls.
"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters on board and still no owls.
'Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.
"Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the new flood plain.
I sent them a globe
"Right now I'm trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax.
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years."
Then the sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and said, "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?"
"No," the Lord said sadly. "The government already has."
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